Monday, March 27, 2006

Somewhere Over the Rainbow...


NOTE TO ALL STRAIGHT MEN: OPALINE, ON 39TH AND 6TH IS A GAY CLUB.

I just thought I'd share that information with you. I found this out this past Friday. My good friend from law school, who happens to be gay, invited me out for his birthday this past Friday. I'm never one to turn down a celebration so I accepted. For some reason, it never crossed my mind that a gay man might want to celebrate his birthday at a gay bar. Regardless, my girlfriend and I showed up at Opaline around midnight and, to our shock, there was a line.

I had been two a couple happy hours, a drunken dinner and an hour of drinking/showering before we got on line. So I guess it's understandable that I didn't notice that the majority of the line consisted of very chatty, fashionable gentleman. And maybe it makes some sense to you that in my drunken state, I did not find it odd that there were two monstrous, dragqueens as bouncers. But it was not till I got into this club that I realized what I was getting into...

The first sign that showed me I was in a gay club, was two norsemen-like males in thongs wrestling slowly on a pedestal. I've seen stranger things, but this was quite a spectacle. After I met up with my friend, I got a drink for my girlfriend and I and started to really observe my surroundings. As I looked around I noticed a 2 key differences b/w gay and straight clubs:
1) People party a lot harder at gay clubs. Crazed dancing, absurd binge drinking and overt drug abuse thrive at gay clubs; and that's just in the bathrooms(which happen to be unisex). I got offered E twice. I didn't even know ecstasy still existed, the last time I got offered E was at a Phish show in the late 90s. Unfortunately, my girlfriend was there and she did not know me in my crackhead days, so I decided not to take it. She just wouldn't understand, plus I didn't want to end up wrestling with the norsemen.
2) The hottest girls go to gay clubs. I cannot count the amount of times where I've been at bars where the hottest girl in the place was me. It's just something about holes in the wall that don't invite drunken hot women dancing in Bacchus like rituals.
3) Dance, Dance, Dance...Man is there some serious boogying going down at gay clubs. I'm not the typical dancer, I usually am to busy trying to stand, talk and control bodily functions when I'm drinking. But I haven't danced that much since Jason Shwartz's bar mitzvah. What a blast, it was similar to the rave scene in Blade, but without the blood. Nuts.

All in all, the night was a success. I got hammered, spent time w/ law school friends, and ran into a guy from my high school. He looked at me like a ghost, till I explained to him that 1. I'm Straight. 2. I'm cool with the movement, so his secret's safe with me. And 3. I always wear rainbow shirts and snake skin shoes, it just happened to be a coincidence that I was in the one place in NY where I wasn't the only guy dressed like that.

Final Word: So fellas, if you're ever looking for hot women or Ex you know where to find it.

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