Thoroughly Thinspired

Eating disorders are making a comeback! Just when I thought the head cases of today relied on prescription pills, cocaine consumption and a steady stream of Ballerina Tee to stay thin, good ole’ anorexia and bulimia are popping up all over pop culture. How 90’s!

We were just talking about that Lifetime Original where the bulimic girl stores her vomit in Tupperware containers and stacks it in her closet. That visual is forever burned in our minds. Classic ’94 after-school special in the post-Tracey Gold days.

The 2007 resurgence started with last week’s episode of Nip/Tuck when Eden, the show’s newest Lolita, successfully convinces 12-year-old Annie that she has to become either anorexic or bulimic to gain the attention of her schoolboy crush.

They weighed their options—no pun intended—with a pro-eating disorder website and tried to decide which of their “good friends” to side with, “Ana or Emi.” Sadly, we came to discover that such websites actually do exist. But then again, of course they do.

But Nip/Tuck is always sick and twisted, so this didn’t surprise us much. But when Blair Waldorf had a bulimia montage on last night’s Thanksgiving episode of Gossip Girl we knew that eating disorder “it” status was solidified.

It comes as no surprise that Blair is, or was, a bulimic. Her fashion-designer/socialite mother is always saying things like “change into something enchanting” or “wear pearls with that,” her father is a fairy who ran off to Europe with a male model, and she has spent her life living in the shadows of her best friend S.

She’s a classic case. But controlling your weight does not add control to your life, B! Plus, no one ever got THAT thin using the binging and purging method anyway. Though I did enjoy watching her house that entire chicken potpie! That baby did not stand a chance.

In addition, I love that the word “thinspiration” has now been added to the lexicon.

Final Word: Thin is in! Confidence and perspective is so passé. Everyone knows that. Everyone does.

Someone Call a (Real) Doctor

We were super excited for the October 30th return of Nip/Tuck, until we saw this.

Poor Joley Richardson. She was never my favorite, but I wouldn’t wish this Rachel Zoe make-under on even my worst enemies.

I’m sure those clever N/T writers will have no trouble working her emaciated frame into the script. They’ll just blame the weight loss on her character’s depression caused by giving birth to a lobster-child, having sex with a midget, and finding out that her husband slept with the now dead “Hand That Rocks the Cradle” nanny.

But with McNamara/Troy relocating to LA, we were hoping to not see much of her character anyway. And look, now she’s invisible!

We wish Joley a speedy recovering from whatever it is she’s suffering from. And who are we kidding? We’re still counting the moments until Sean and Christian return to our living room.

Final Word: Nip/Tuck premiers October 30th on FX.

We Didn't Start The Fire

There’s nothing worse than seeing a five-year-old with a cell phone. I was at least sixteen before I went mobile. That Nokia brick....anyone, anyone? Well, times they are a-changing and little guys need to stay connected too, I guess.

Firefly has made mobile devices designed specifically for the under-ten set (the tween market is already downloading Hannah Montana ring tones onto their Sidekicks). These junior gadgets have only five keys—which means no texting—and incoming and outgoing calls are limited to only the numbers stored in their phone books (holds up to 20).

I don’t have any third-graders in my life right now, but I was thinking about distributing these phones to my friends as “going out” phones. With enough Skinny Bitches in our systems we can easily become the social equivalent of third-graders.

So much damage can be done—to former, current and future relationships—in those drunken wee hours of the morning.

Imagine being able to stay connected to your few close friends without running the risk of simultaneously ruining the rapport with your man-candy? Genius. Oh, and it glows. I believe the Firefly peeps secretly had this market in mind.

Final Word: The attached-to-the-face Blackberry as accessory du jour is becoming so passé. Get hooked up with a Firefly. You’ll thank me later.